Friday, September 23, 2011
How about another one.....
Casey called me the other day, during work. This is rare. He doesn't call very often and almost never during work.
Oddly enough, I didn't have my phone on me. If you ask him, it's almost always glued to my hand or in-use, although I am trying much harder not to use it when the kids are awake. Not the point. I asked him later why he called and this was our conversation.
Me: So, why did you call earlier?
C: I just wanted to know what happened to Rollie?
Me: (extremely confused) What do you mean? He's right there on the floor reading a book.
C: I just don't remember him being a baby. Now he's almost a year. What happened?
Me: I know. I'm already forgetting. How about we have another one???
C: (turns and walks away)
As I already know, we can't have anymore biological children. I'm not sad about that. While I loved being pregnant with our boys, my body did not love it.
So, this is hard. Having them grow up is hard. Parenting them is hard. Teaching them to love the Lord is hard. Being a good example is hard. I want our kids to find joy in self-sacrificing love towards others, that is what we as Christians are called to do.
I love my boys. I am thankful for them. I am learning how to love the every day of parenting and being a mom. In concept, it's easy and fun. In reality, it's hard hard work.
I have always longed to adopt. It has been a part of my heart for a very long time. Casey isn't in the same mindset as me. That doesn't make him wrong. It means I need to be on my knees in prayer that Gods will for us will be done. That he will work in the hearts of both of us. That we will be of one mind. If that means that my mind needs to be changed, I'm ok with that. Not that it is easy.