Friday, September 23, 2011
How about another one.....
Casey called me the other day, during work. This is rare. He doesn't call very often and almost never during work.
Oddly enough, I didn't have my phone on me. If you ask him, it's almost always glued to my hand or in-use, although I am trying much harder not to use it when the kids are awake. Not the point. I asked him later why he called and this was our conversation.
Me: So, why did you call earlier?
C: I just wanted to know what happened to Rollie?
Me: (extremely confused) What do you mean? He's right there on the floor reading a book.
C: I just don't remember him being a baby. Now he's almost a year. What happened?
Me: I know. I'm already forgetting. How about we have another one???
C: (turns and walks away)
As I already know, we can't have anymore biological children. I'm not sad about that. While I loved being pregnant with our boys, my body did not love it.
So, this is hard. Having them grow up is hard. Parenting them is hard. Teaching them to love the Lord is hard. Being a good example is hard. I want our kids to find joy in self-sacrificing love towards others, that is what we as Christians are called to do.
I love my boys. I am thankful for them. I am learning how to love the every day of parenting and being a mom. In concept, it's easy and fun. In reality, it's hard hard work.
I have always longed to adopt. It has been a part of my heart for a very long time. Casey isn't in the same mindset as me. That doesn't make him wrong. It means I need to be on my knees in prayer that Gods will for us will be done. That he will work in the hearts of both of us. That we will be of one mind. If that means that my mind needs to be changed, I'm ok with that. Not that it is easy.
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I agree with you that parenting is hard. In so many ways. For me, it is also very hard to see my children grow. While it makes me very happy that they are getting older and thank the Lord they are healthy, it also makes me sad because I know that I will MISS THIS so much one day! Right now, ALL of my children are living under my roof. I have daily (hourly!) interaction with them. I can see them safely tucked into their beds at night. I kiss boo-boos, I hear their stories, I drive them to and from activities, I do school work with them, I read to them, I complain about their messy rooms and tell them to clean them up! I remind them to brush their teeth, clear their plates, talk kindly to each other, etc. As hard as it is, this parenting business, I know I'm going to miss it so much once they are all grown up and out of the house. As far as having more kids, my husband always wants "another one" which is why we have NINE so far...because I always want another one, too! My body loves pregnancies. I am very blessed in that way. But I'm 42 now, and my last two pregnancies ended in miscarriage at the end of the first trimester, and so that leaves me wondering if this is IT - no more babies for us? I'd like to adopt, but my husband just isn't on board with that idea. A few times he's simply said "no", while other times he just changes the subject when I bring it up (or when I hint towards it) I feel like you do: that doesn't make him wrong. He is entitled to his feelings. But it's something that I cannot force upon him. I have to leave it up to God to change his heart - or not.
ReplyDeleteI saw your link over at Mckmama's. I'm a new follower of your blog :)
Katrina
They All Call Me Mom